Tuesday, 23 August 2011

You’re Always the Last to Know Yourself

I am trying to be a better person,
Trying to certain my belief I have become
Who I want to be,
To prove that I Am Me,
Full of certain certainty,
(It’s all a myth, is certainty)

‘Growing’s not easy’ – I’ve never been told,
I think I’m grown up, but I’m not,
I’m just older,

My teeth, too, are bleeding,
My teeth, too, are bleeding,
From smoking and drinking;
(Grown-up’s closest friends),
And I am no closer
To being that person who’s better

My heart, this muscle, is running in circles,
For miles! Up into the cosmos,
The moon’s marathon!
It’s a figure of strength,
(A strength long gone)

I want to write poems,
And some I have done,
I’m reading some Cohen when I shit,
Oh the pleasure of shitting with Cohen!
I’d shit there all day

I am no better a person,
No better I’ve done,
I conquered ambition;
That’s all.
My weightless ambition, I blew it away,
And all that is left carries on,
No better in status,
No splendid achievements,
Or money to buy things,
No better in company,
Walking with ghosts,
A shade of the past that the present won’t toast,

I think of a proverb:

‘You’re only as good as the person you’re standing beside’

And I wonder; will I become better enough
To stand alone

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